lifeaslizzie: (Default)
on my way home tonight (from work, with cassy), i was thinking as we talked, about how i'm starting to feel like this (NY) is home. i mean, not home-home, but i have a good group of friends now and a sort-of life, and it's generally pretty good.

then i dropped her off, came in and heard kevin in the shower. i quickly jumped in (and scared him! haha!) but we kissed a lil bit (more than we have in weeks, mostly cause of my bad chewing-the-inside-of-my-mouth habit) and things started to get innnteresting, so we went to the bedroom and we suffered through a terrible fumble in that department. everything we did hurt me, and it was just too much for me. i hate never being able to do anything right. <frustrated face!>

anyway, after this, i was dwelling on how it is just days until christmas, but it doesn't even feel like december. then, i'm thinking... no, feeling, that i'm just missing this HUGE -something- in my life. i don't know what, but i feel like there's this gaping hole in me, like i got hit by a cannonball and somehow didn't notice until recently. i'm happy (mostly) but...

is it my family i miss? often, but i'm happy to be away for many reasons. i -really- miss my aunt. i was thinking about that earlier today, before work. i miss a lot of friends from home, whom i love, but who drift away because of distance. i was thinking about my dream of someday living somewhere constantly warm, and thinking that i might just miss everyone i love too much to do that.

i miss my pal, in a weird way, because we've drifted so much that i'm wondering if the last time we saw each other will be the VERY last time. i wasn't planning on it, but it may have worked out that way. i have a new mayday parade album in my car, and the first song reminds me of him. i love it though, i could listen to it forever.

maybe all of this is me being an emo wreck because i think it just might be close to that time o' the month. (highly likely but with the way that's been going lately, who the heck knows?) i cried forever last night after watching marley & me, first because the movie was sad but also because it reminded me of my childhood dogs, casey and chester. then i read dear john from start to finish today and cried over that, just 'cause it was a sad book and even though it was totally predictable (nicholas sparks, you are capable of much better!), i liked it.

work made my blood boil. really. evening shift has been so much better for me, but today from the MINUTE i walked in... it was just bad news. there were 3891 things that needed to be done on top of all the normal stuff, and i got stuck on the floor for dinner for the third night in four days, which is crap. jane was acting up and hitting me (and everyone else--staff and residents) and swearing, not sitting still for one second. bells were going off like mad. x-rays had to be done on clara. vitals by 5. we were behind on getting people up. ugh.

anyway... i was just a mess. sad to angry to happy to sad again... and all, weird extremes. i feel like i have a tendency toward periods of calms, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, but then these ridiculous all-over-the-place days, or just strings of total misery or elated carefree, all-is-right-in-lizzieland kind of days.

what can i say? i'm sick of this.
lifeaslizzie: (Default)
1. I like the noise the snow is making, hitting the window and the aluminum-like box that covers an empty space where an air conditioner should be, in our bedroom. (I feel like that wording killed the whole thought, but I don't know how else to describe this damn thing that sticks out of our wall. Man, is it an eyesore.)

2. I called out of work today, and even though I have no voice and there is no question that it's a valid excuse, I STILL feel guilty. I guess I don't feel as bad because it was Linda who answered the phone, and Linda who was in charge, and Linda is my unit manager and we're like peas in a pod. She's the one who talked me up to Vivian so I could get my switched shift. Anyway, I am thankful to have some time to rest and hopefully get this crap out of my system, or at least down a notch (I hope).

I've had a fever now for 3 days, though this morning and yesterday, it mostly hovered around 99 degrees, so that's not terrible. Now there's also coughing up yellow gunk, congestion, sore throat, and laryngitis. Yippy skippy.

3. I felt so rotten yesterday that I slept most of the morning away, and then I rode in with Cassy to work. I planned on running out quick to get something for Kevin-- He mentioned that he didn't have a snow brush, so I was gonna sneak one into his car and have it waiting for him. However, I didn't want to hold Cassy up because I know she likes to get right home after work, and by then, I agreed. So, I didn't do anything... and poor Kev was asleep when I came home, anyway. Then he woke up and apologized for not doing the dishes, so we agreed to step back a day and catch up. (We are doing our Love Dare book, after watching Fireproof which was pretty terrible and cheesy, but I should have expected that if I had looked closer and seen that Kirk Cameron was involved. Yuck. Anyway, the book is a nice thing to do for 40 days.)

4. I need a NY winter coat. The few things I have hardly qualify. I have one that might make the cut, but it's so un-me that I never wear it. It's a Columbia ski jacket, though it wasn't one of the super expensive ones, cause I wouldn't pay more than $100 for a jacket, and it would have to be KILLER for that. Anyway, I just want some oversized jacket with fake fur around the hood. Like the killer from the Urban Legend movie. Hahaha that will be what I think of every time I see a coat like that.

Figures...

Dec. 8th, 2009 09:06 am
lifeaslizzie: (alone)
My first day of 3-11 went well, considering I had a sore throat and a 101.2 fever. 

As for the weekend... We put up our big Christmas tree on Saturday. We were supposed to go and see Thursday, because I had already bought tickets, but neither of us really felt like it... so we went and saw New Moon instead! I was thrilled, obviously, and Kevin really liked it, so that worked out great. I wasn't liking the idea of jumping into a pit filled with hundreds of people and coming home sweaty and cold. It snowed that night, too! It was a very pretty drive back to our shabby little apartment.

We had a great time on Sunday with Josh & Kit visiting-- they watched Leon: The Professional (a favorite of mine, thanks to Aaron) while I made dinner, then we played Catchphrase and nearly died laughing about it. About halfway through that, we took a dinner break and then went down to see Lights on the Lake.

Lights on the Lake is a couple mile long Christmas (or should I say, holiday, because they tossed a random Hanukkah group of lights in there) lighting display, along Onondaga lake. People out here get very excited about this, but seeing as we all live(d) out in western MA, home of Bright Nights in Forest Park, it's not actually even good. Bright Nights puts on an amazing show, and if you ask me, the one we saw here can't compete. 

Upon our return, we played some more Catchphrase (what can I say, it was a hit!) and then decided it was probably time for bed. Kit took a shower and we got their air mattress blown up and fitted with sheets/blankets/pillows.  Winnie came in and slept with us (she has been doing much better since the last post-- one accident, but she does much better with tons of attention).

Kevin's alarm went off sometime early in the morning, maybe 4:30? Kit came in around 7 to say goodbye, and I was still pretty comatose. I woke up around 9 to a very very sore throat. I checked my temperature, which was about 98.9, no biggie. Hours later, around 1:30 or 2pm, it was 101.2. It was late enough that I wouldn't bother calling into work. Cassy and I rode in together and the shift went fine.

Came home last night to find Kevin making me tea, and he had the Vitamin C tablets out for me  :)  We watched an episode and a half of Seinfeld before deciding it was bedtime, and we went to sleep. He's been working like crazy to make up for the job he lost (and by 'he lost,' I more mean, 'they took from him.' Seems more appropriate.)

I can't believe that on Christmas Eve, we'll have been married for 4 months. It feels like it's been longer than that. Maybe 'cause the move to New York seems like the beginning. Maybe 'cause we were always so serious about each other. I don't know what it is, but it makes me happy. Anyway, I have Christmas Eve off from work, so I'm looking forward to that.

I am not looking forward to work tonight, just 'cause my body feels like it's... I can't find an appropriate comparison. It just feels BAD. I secretly hope I have strep, because I want my tonsils out so badly (look up tonsiloliths and you'll see what the issue is), maybe one more positive strep test would get it taken care of... Anyway, we'll see.

Tomorrow

Nov. 23rd, 2009 09:06 pm
lifeaslizzie: (Default)
I know a few things about tomorrow:

1. My dear friend Rob will be joining me on the back hall at work! I am thrilled about this because even if the day somehow is shot to hell, he usually makes a point to try to improve my mood, whether it involves doing little things for me (like making a bed or two that I haven't had time to get) or hurling disgustingly kind words at me (flattery to the point I become nauseated), or just being a moron to get a chuckle from me. Also: It's a non-shower day, so things should be less hectic than normal for me (like today!). We'll see. In any case, we work very well as a team, and get both our assignments done pretty quickly so... three cheers for a good outlook.

[Nicole, my usual back hall partner, is very fast but she's a little rough, and sometimes I find it unsettling. Also, she's very pregnant, which not only creeps me out (sorry, I'm more afraid of pregnant women than even my crippling fear of spiders) but it makes her moody. And things are bad at home for her, so she's usually kind of withdrawn lately. Still, we ARE friends and DO chatter a lot. I like her lots, but I am looking forward to Rob's company for the day. Some change is good.]

2. Lights on the Lake opens tomorrow from 5-9pm for dogs to walk through with their humans. We are planning on bringing Winnie to this event, provided I can layer enough clothing to keep warm for the 2 miles of walking. Should be interesting. We went through the whole thing with everyone last year (in a car, mind you) and it was good and awkward. Everything while we were staying with Nana & Pop was awkward. Yeah, ask me about that sometime. Ugh.

3. We'll have been married 3 months as of tomorrow. Why does it feel like it's been so much longer? Maybe because we've both been so incredibly stressed out? Probably. It feels like it's been forever. Maybe because we were so serious about everything. Right off the bat, I knew he was just It. You know, The One Everyone Is Looking For? Yeah, I found him, and I knew it.

I remember one night, the first time we went anywhere alone, after work. It was over to a place by our houses, just to get some ice cream. We talked forever, and I've never been stuck in what can only be described as an eye-lock with anyone like that. For a good hour, we just talked, and stared. It wasn't awkward, like I feel it should have been, thinking back on it. That was the night that I knew I really really oh my gosh, like this guy, and what do I do next? (Yes, those were my thoughts.)

I think it was November, may have been early December, of 2007 when I told my mother, "He's the one, Mom." She didn't know what to say, I could tell, but her response ended up being, "You know, I sort of expected that. I think you're right." He rode his bike 40 miles to surprise me at my grandparents' house one night, with flowers, while I was visiting them on a weekend away from Keene. He rode his bike 7 miles to my house in the pouring rain before work to give me a CD he made me. He took me out to Otis on the jet ski to get my mind off my problems with my parents that summer. We talked out on the dock for hours, about anything and everything. He drove me to Keene for move-in day, and it was a horrible goodbye. He hiked Monadnock with me while we skipped class. He drove up from home nearly EVERY day (not even kidding-- he put 100,000 miles on his car in a matter of MONTHS) after class, would spend the night, and leave in the morning for work. His first night over, he slept totally in his clothes and was very very shy. He ran out on the quad with me at night and we set off tons of Diet Coke explosions with the help of Mentos. He used to hide notes around my room for me to find later, while he was back home, when I was missing him.  He'd bring flowers some mornings when I'd meet him out front of Huntress.

Now I'm just rambling and reminiscing... It's been real. You know, my favorite part of loving Bella and Edward from Twilight is noticing the parallels between the movie/book and my own life. I saw a shirt that said "Edward Cullen has ruined it for the mortal men out there." In my Bear's case, I couldn't disagree more. I'm pretty darn lucky. We're pretty happy together, and who can complain about that?! 

Grin!

April 2010

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