lifeaslizzie: (Default)
I was well-liked in high school. I wasn't one of the popular kids, per say, but I had a ton of friends, including a lot of the popular kids and including a lot of the unpopular kids. I wasn't picky, and most people liked me.

(As time went on, I sort of ended up with my own following, along with my then-boyfriend. We were some of the first people in the 'scene' movement and one of the first couples, so we became what felt like instant celebrities. It was actually really weird. Another story for another day.)

However, even for the well-liked kids, there are always a few people who still feel the need to make your life less than perfect. So, there were a choice few people who would harass me in whatever way they saw fit. A bunch of guys called me Bienvenue, which didn't bother me at all. I had a boy in my homeroom who I have known since elementary school, named Dan Bienvenue... We look like twins. Very clever.

For a year or so, there were also rumors that I was gay. This was perpetuated by my then-best friend (we then had a huge falling out, but are friends again-- I have known him since kindergarten), who told everyone it was true. This all stemmed from a bad haircut. I got sick of having long hair in the summer and got it cropped very short. It grew back painfully slowly, and curly for the first time ever! Still, I was spared no mercy-- only lesbians cut their hair like boys. Duh. 9_9 [It kills me to remember how BAD that haircut was. Like it wasn't bad enough that I got a terrible haircut, but we had to start rumors to make it unbearable?! No one had any sympathy-- no one said "Ohmygosh Linds, your poor hair! I am so sorry!" Instead, they speculated who my secret girlfriend might be.]

Well... that leads me to my point. Thanks to Facebook, I am now able to befriend everyone I knew in high school. Even kids who used to talk about me in a less-than-pleasant manner. For what it's worth, I'm interested to see how their lives have turned out thus far and how different they are... and most of them have grown for the better. I know I can say the same.

The kicker is, though, that we all pretend it never happened. I would be shocked if someone apologized for their behavior. I would probably cry [happy cry, not sad cry]. If the girl who stole my favorite My Little Pony in second grade and claimed her cousin borrowed it and lost it (which I know to be untrue, since I saw it in her backpack) said to me, "I'm sorry I stole your favorite horse from your uncle Bob. I didn't know it meant that much," I would be floored. If someone said, "I'm sorry I gossiped about your non-existent girlfriend. We got caught up in nothing over a bad haircut," it might restore my faith in people.

I guess I'm just wondering, do they still remember these things? Are they too embarrassed to ever own up to being those kids? Do they know how much an apology might mean? I always think about this when I do something I regret to someone else. Apologies are always worth the Big Scary Step Forward to say sorry.
lifeaslizzie: (Default)
I generally resort to letting Shuffle choose whatever songs we are going to listen to. (By we, I generally mean me) Shuffle has this knack for being freakishly accurate-- it chooses songs that seem to align to my current mind state perfectly.

Like I said earlier, I was dwelling on the past. A few songs from a certain aspect of the past have come on, and I thought I was just reading into it too much. Just now, it selected Third Eye Blind's "How's it Gonna Be?" and I can't try to rationalize that one. It's not even a song I like! It just happens to be in my library because someone gave me that CD during a bad spell of high school...

Sometimes, I miss you so damn much. I feel like this won't ever be resolved.

April 2010

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