Life as Lizzie

Question:

2010-04-30T17:34:13Z

Is this the appropriate place for me to SHRIIIIEEEEEK with happiness over my new htc Incredible?!

OMG I LOOOOOOOVE THIS PHONE!

*drool*drool*drool*

My jaw dropped yesterday as I discovered 4/29/10 was the release date, my fascination grew all day/night, and at 11 this morning, I threw down more money than I would like to discuss to purchase one of my very own-- the LAST one in the sales district! (I guess it's a hit, huh?) I am so flippin excited, it alllmost justifies how much I spent. I'm going to slap a "Happy Late Birthday to Me" on it and pretend it's no big deal.

:-D

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Note:

2010-04-29T16:21:48Z

As soon as I can afford to (hopefully next month?!), I am losing my current phone and jumping all over the HTC Incredible! *drool*

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I've been thinking...

2010-04-29T13:56:29Z

I am irrationally angry with you for leaving. This applies to several people in my life. Every now and then, I think I'm over it, and something will come back to remind me how much I miss you (all).

:(

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Hello....

2010-04-29T11:58:30Z

I wrote and wrote and wrote.

Then deleted everything in an instant.

Sometimes, I wish life were like that. I applied to nursing school yesterday. I'm afraid that my college years of debauchery are going to come back and slap me in the face with a rejection letter. I wish I could have deleted most of that, but that's life. In other news, I am not feeling in my head enough to write lately, I am so burned out and sick of work, I am so sore from these damn cramps (hopefully getting back on BC Sunday will help next month?!), and Kevin & I have settled into our bigger, better apartment and are loving it!

Sigh. I'm sorry I'm boring.

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Really??

2010-01-22T17:01:01Z

So, due to caffeine and an irritating need-to-be-near-you dog, I hardly slept a wink last night. Kevin left around 8:15 this morning for work, and I slept a couple hours after that. I just love it when there is loud knocking on the door that awakens me, then doorbell ringing, then more knocking while I'm digging through my closet to find a bathrobe to hide in. I get to the door, realize the dog is collar-less so I can't grab it to keep her in the apartment, I have to scoop her up in my arms while she wiggles around all over the place.

It's that cheery effing maintenance guy, who says, "We heard you're leaking again?!" Um, no. Sure enough, he comes in, and no leaks to be seen. He says he will be back to sand, and runs away.

I need a freakin shower today before work at three. I HAVE to wash my hair. I don't want this dude hangin around all morning/afternoon, and I hate feeling like I'm walking eggshells around this guy. I love to lay around in my nightshirt & undies til work... you bet your ass I won't be doing that while some skeevy guy from fabulous Cedarwood is in and outta here all day.

Great. Well, even if I don't get my shower, at least it's dress down Friday. I can wear a hat if need be. I guess.

Grr.

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Weekend Travels

2009-12-29T15:12:35Z

We (Kevin, Winnie, & I) are heading home to MA this weekend. We leave Friday night after I get out of work at 11pm. We are staying at Kevin's parents' house in Southwick. As uncomfortable as that makes me, at least there are no cats there (to get my allergies riled up AND for Winnie to terrify).

I really don't want to hang out over there. Kevin made a comment about always going to my house and doing this and that, but my parents have always made an effort to include him and make him feel at home. I can't say the same on their end. Sigh. He says he owes them/his brother time, and that's fine. Thankfully my parents are only six miles from their driveway. :)

I think Saturday will be spent (by me) with my family. Kevin wants to take Ian (his 7-year-old brother) to see a couple friends from home, so that leaves him free to do so. Then maybe my grandparents will come by for dinner, and Kev could come back for that, if he wants. Sunday (and this is my only demand for the whole trip), we are going to our old church, WEFC! I miss it SO STINKING MUCH! <3 Then I will stay at his parents' house and we can do dinner there, and maybe just see my family once more before we hit the road for home? I'm not sure.

I want to leave Sunday night, not Monday morning. I like having down time here before going to work. Shrug. There's too much to do, and I want to see my aunt/cousins but I have a nagging suspicion that it won't happen. I need to try to squeeze them in somehow.

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Just Saying...

2009-12-29T04:56:29Z

I'm glad I splurged and picked up seasons 1 & 2 of Sex and the City. I wasn't sure I'd even like it, but I love it, and it made my morning today to be able to watch it with Winnie, while I ate lunch, drank a glass of wine, and cursed myself for having to work again at 3pm.

The weather here is atrocious. Horrible wind with icy cold snow makes for a long, painful walk to/from anywhere. I'm still thawing out. Poor Bear is in a semi-conscious state beside me. His long hours are killing him. :( I can't wait til we don't have to work this crazy.

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Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T19:04:06Z

Just wanted to take a minute to wish everyone a happy holiday. I know not everybody celebrates Christmas, but regardless of that, I think it's a good time to wind down at the end of the year and enjoy time spent with family & friends, so in that spirit-- make the best of the rest of 2009!

Bear surprised me with a few little things-- A new crock pot (our old one was a hand-me-down, circa 1950, which also served as a deep fryer... yuck), Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2, Sweeney Todd, District 9, some peanut butter m&ms, a new razor & shaving cream, and a little flower arrangement. Totally unexpected, since we already "had" our Christmas, which was just a few things I got for him. It was nice, though, and I was very happy.

Overslept this morning and didn't even go to church. I feel pretty rotten about that, but what can you do? We are planning a trip home this weekend, which means that Sunday will be spent at our home church which we miss so dearly... I cannot WAIT to go back there! I would move home just to be able to attend service there again. <3 [Now, church or not, I know what today is all about, and I can celebrate that regardless of my location! Thank you, God, for loving us so much!]

Annnyway, it's off to work I go! Hope everyone enjoys themselves. Love, Lizzie

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well, today is a new day.

2009-12-22T16:00:28Z

i work again 3-11 today, but until then... i plan on listening to this unbearably obnoxious song (whose artist/title i will not disclose) until my brain and ears can't take it any longer. also: now that i am the owner of the deluxe 3-disc edition of twilight, i may watch one of the extra discs... or maybe just the whole darn movie. we'll see.

work better be an improvement upon yesterday. really. it got better toward the end of the night, and i had a good chat with laurie who happened to be on our unit yesterday (yay!). i also made fun of todd for his earlier hostility, which he seemed to get a kick out of. plus, louise was there, and i just love her. she makes me not miss mel and marlo so much (my great nurses from day shift).

and so: let the stupid songfest begin!

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the ups and downs kill me.

2009-12-22T06:02:12Z

on my way home tonight (from work, with cassy), i was thinking as we talked, about how i'm starting to feel like this (NY) is home. i mean, not home-home, but i have a good group of friends now and a sort-of life, and it's generally pretty good.

then i dropped her off, came in and heard kevin in the shower. i quickly jumped in (and scared him! haha!) but we kissed a lil bit (more than we have in weeks, mostly cause of my bad chewing-the-inside-of-my-mouth habit) and things started to get innnteresting, so we went to the bedroom and we suffered through a terrible fumble in that department. everything we did hurt me, and it was just too much for me. i hate never being able to do anything right. <frustrated face!>

anyway, after this, i was dwelling on how it is just days until christmas, but it doesn't even feel like december. then, i'm thinking... no, feeling, that i'm just missing this HUGE -something- in my life. i don't know what, but i feel like there's this gaping hole in me, like i got hit by a cannonball and somehow didn't notice until recently. i'm happy (mostly) but...

is it my family i miss? often, but i'm happy to be away for many reasons. i -really- miss my aunt. i was thinking about that earlier today, before work. i miss a lot of friends from home, whom i love, but who drift away because of distance. i was thinking about my dream of someday living somewhere constantly warm, and thinking that i might just miss everyone i love too much to do that.

i miss my pal, in a weird way, because we've drifted so much that i'm wondering if the last time we saw each other will be the VERY last time. i wasn't planning on it, but it may have worked out that way. i have a new mayday parade album in my car, and the first song reminds me of him. i love it though, i could listen to it forever.

maybe all of this is me being an emo wreck because i think it just might be close to that time o' the month. (highly likely but with the way that's been going lately, who the heck knows?) i cried forever last night after watching marley & me, first because the movie was sad but also because it reminded me of my childhood dogs, casey and chester. then i read dear john from start to finish today and cried over that, just 'cause it was a sad book and even though it was totally predictable (nicholas sparks, you are capable of much better!), i liked it.

work made my blood boil. really. evening shift has been so much better for me, but today from the MINUTE i walked in... it was just bad news. there were 3891 things that needed to be done on top of all the normal stuff, and i got stuck on the floor for dinner for the third night in four days, which is crap. jane was acting up and hitting me (and everyone else--staff and residents) and swearing, not sitting still for one second. bells were going off like mad. x-rays had to be done on clara. vitals by 5. we were behind on getting people up. ugh.

anyway... i was just a mess. sad to angry to happy to sad again... and all, weird extremes. i feel like i have a tendency toward periods of calms, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, but then these ridiculous all-over-the-place days, or just strings of total misery or elated carefree, all-is-right-in-lizzieland kind of days.

what can i say? i'm sick of this.

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Neighbors & life

2009-12-20T17:09:47Z

Occasionally, I will bump into my neighbors with dogs while we are out letting them do their thing. Yesterday was not the first time, but I walked all the way down to the end of our building, and let Winnie have a longer trip out in the snow because there was a huge argument going on. (Normally in this crappy weather, I run out with her and the second she's done, away we go!)

This girl and her boyfriend live together. They just moved in a couple months ago. I met the boyfriend, Matt, while he took their dog out one day. My first impression wasn't anything special-- he looked like any of the other niners* in our building. I may have seen the girlfriend but without him there with her, it's hard to know who's with who. She never takes the dog out, so it's hard to say.

Anyway, yesterday, she was screaming on and on, like one of those stereotypical annoying girls, who repeat things in arguments. (Peeve) I heard something like, "Do you think so?! Do you think so?! I mean really, after all those examples I just gave you, do you think so?!" Another thing that stands out in my mind was, "You never listen to a thing I say! I tell you we're going to do this, this, and this, and ten minutes later, you want an itenerary. You're saying 'Well I thought we were gonna do this...' after I JUST told you!"

The way people here fight over every stinking thing is disgusting, but it kind of makes me smile to think, Thank God I am not going back into the apartment to do the same thing. Thank God the most recent thing we fought over was who got the last say in our wrestling match the other night (we are both stubborn to a fault). Really though, it makes me happy that things are okay over here. <3

---

*Niner is a term Kevin and I LOVE using. It came from his job at R/M, and it usually refers to the low-income, trouble-causing, abuse-of-the-system types who live in the city. Here, we just use it to call people gross without saying gross. I guess it's become an us-only word.

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Sick of Being Sick

2009-12-12T14:44:25Z

So, I've had a nasty cold since... Well, it began Sunday. I woke up with a scratchy throat but didn't think much of it, because it's so dry in here, my throat is always scratchy. (That, and I'm allergic to dogs, so having a dog is sort of counter-productive... but dammit, I am an animal woman and I refuse to live life without one, at least! And seeing as LOOKING at cats practically breaks me out in hives... a dog it is.)

In any case: Sunday began with a throat thing, but it tapered off and I thought nothing of it. My sister and her boyfriend were here, and we were all having fun. I took a ton of ibuprofen over the course of the evening for a massive headache, then we all went to bed. When I woke up on Monday, I was nursing the sore throat from hell, and thought for sure: Death Strep Part 3* had come to call.

The sore throat is always worst when waking up, then it's the congestion, and now I'm coughing up crap that reminds me of Wedding Week with the bronchitis. If I'm not feeling even a little better by Monday, I'm going to schedule a visit to the doctor on Tuesday. Kevin and I have the day off, so he can bring me. (The only plus about him losing his job is that he works full time at R/M where he picks his own schedule, so it's around my days off!)

The whole point of this was going to be short and sweet, but I guess I felt like writing on and on... all I was going to mention was the great start to my day. I had a bloody nose from blowing it so much and the air being so dry. This was when Kevin left for work around 4:30 this morning. I woke up at 9 and felt all that crusty crap hardened in my nose-- I couldn't breathe. So, I was chipping away at all this, and it TORE OUT A TINY LITTLE NOSE HAIR! Let me just say, that was the WORST way I could have woken up. Holy hell does that hurt.

I hate noses anyway, specifically mine, specifically after a friend ran me into a tree blindfolded and busted it. I mean, all out, broke it, black eyes for a week and a half, looked like a car accident. Now there's this big sloping bump in the bridge of my nose, which I hate. I'm really not a totally shallow (I can admit to being somewhat shallow! Aren't we all?) person, but I swear, if I won a large sum of money, I'd get that bump shaved off and go back to my pre-eleven-year-old nose in a heartbeat.

---
*Death Strep Part 3 refers to the dreaded third installment of a series of battles with strep throat, which for some reason, insists on blowing up full-force for me. I have only had strep twice, but the first time, my mother had to come rescue me from college for a weekend and throw me to the ER because my fever was so high, I was dehydrated beyond belief, and I don't remember a whole lot about it. I needed 3 units of saline through an IV for the dehydration, some steroids to open my throat up (the infection had been so bad, it was 80% closed off-- I had been drooling into a bucket rather than swallowing for two days), a shot of penicillin in my thigh (OUCH), and horse pills of penicillin to go.

The second round wasn't as bad, as it didn't require the ER, but it brought friends: a sinus infection and bronchitis. All of these things were cleared up by a doctor, but as soon as I heard "strep throat," I thought back to my first encounter... I probably looked like a kid seeing a needle for a shot, for the first time. My mom snapped me back to reality, saying, "Well at least it's not like the last time!"

I'm still waiting for another battle... (Of course, every encounter -does- bring me closer to being able to get my tonsils out, which I have been demanding since I found out what those damn things are that scratch my throat and stink and look like cauliflower: tonsiloliths! YUCK! Read about THAT sometime, if you want to lose your appetite.)

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Something I Needed

2009-12-09T17:03:54Z

So, how many of you saw the 7-year-old girl, January (Jani), on Oprah recently? She is a severe schizophrenic, and I've spent the last two hours reading her father's blog (http://www.janisjourney.org), watching the video and reading the articles about her from the LA Times, and finding what I could on Oprah's website.

I'm amazed at all these poor parents are struggling with, and it just reinforces something in me. When I was in 9th grade, my best friend was quietly removed from school, finished the year at home with a private tutor, and then shipped off to a private school for the remainder of high school. I later found out she was bulimic, then anorexic, depressed, suicidal, and practiced self-injury. All of these things were a secret that I still feel like I should have picked up on.

From the time I learned this (about junior year), I vowed to learn as much as I possibly could on the subjects. I read, read, read. Even taking the personal issue out of the equation, I find these things to be terribly interesting. My favorite things to read about (non-fiction, that is) include mental illness, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

For the longest time, I wanted to work in a hospital with people who struggle with these things. Now, as a CNA, I am dying to go back to school. I like my job enough, but I know I am cutting myself short-- I am doing work anyone could do, probably killing my back at 23, and making what doesn't even come to $18,000 at the end of the year.

I always said I wouldn't be a nurse because my grandmother was, for a couple years, and she thinks she was God's greatest gift to humanity because of this. (Yet her husband is probably the worst cared-for diabetic you've ever seen in your life. Some nurse she is.) Anyway, I didn't want to listen to the "following in my footsteps" talk, or get the "Finally! You're doing something with your life!" comments. My family is disgusted that I have a 4-year degree and am wasting my time wiping 80- and 90-year-old butts every night at the nursing home. Truth be told, so am I, but this is what happens when you are forced into a major you don't like!

I feel like catching this family's story was just another point in the right direction. I believe I am going to go back to school, and I believe I will be an RN. I believe I will work in a hospital or a rehab clinic for eating disorders or substance abuse, preferably somewhere warm! I believe that all of those pieces fit together for a reason, and whether it's soon or down the road a ways, I am looking forward to getting my foot in where it belongs.

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A Couple Things:

2009-12-09T13:30:04Z

1. I like the noise the snow is making, hitting the window and the aluminum-like box that covers an empty space where an air conditioner should be, in our bedroom. (I feel like that wording killed the whole thought, but I don't know how else to describe this damn thing that sticks out of our wall. Man, is it an eyesore.)

2. I called out of work today, and even though I have no voice and there is no question that it's a valid excuse, I STILL feel guilty. I guess I don't feel as bad because it was Linda who answered the phone, and Linda who was in charge, and Linda is my unit manager and we're like peas in a pod. She's the one who talked me up to Vivian so I could get my switched shift. Anyway, I am thankful to have some time to rest and hopefully get this crap out of my system, or at least down a notch (I hope).

I've had a fever now for 3 days, though this morning and yesterday, it mostly hovered around 99 degrees, so that's not terrible. Now there's also coughing up yellow gunk, congestion, sore throat, and laryngitis. Yippy skippy.

3. I felt so rotten yesterday that I slept most of the morning away, and then I rode in with Cassy to work. I planned on running out quick to get something for Kevin-- He mentioned that he didn't have a snow brush, so I was gonna sneak one into his car and have it waiting for him. However, I didn't want to hold Cassy up because I know she likes to get right home after work, and by then, I agreed. So, I didn't do anything... and poor Kev was asleep when I came home, anyway. Then he woke up and apologized for not doing the dishes, so we agreed to step back a day and catch up. (We are doing our Love Dare book, after watching Fireproof which was pretty terrible and cheesy, but I should have expected that if I had looked closer and seen that Kirk Cameron was involved. Yuck. Anyway, the book is a nice thing to do for 40 days.)

4. I need a NY winter coat. The few things I have hardly qualify. I have one that might make the cut, but it's so un-me that I never wear it. It's a Columbia ski jacket, though it wasn't one of the super expensive ones, cause I wouldn't pay more than $100 for a jacket, and it would have to be KILLER for that. Anyway, I just want some oversized jacket with fake fur around the hood. Like the killer from the Urban Legend movie. Hahaha that will be what I think of every time I see a coat like that.

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Figures...

2009-12-08T14:33:20Z

My first day of 3-11 went well, considering I had a sore throat and a 101.2 fever.

As for the weekend... We put up our big Christmas tree on Saturday. We were supposed to go and see Thursday, because I had already bought tickets, but neither of us really felt like it... so we went and saw New Moon instead! I was thrilled, obviously, and Kevin really liked it, so that worked out great. I wasn't liking the idea of jumping into a pit filled with hundreds of people and coming home sweaty and cold. It snowed that night, too! It was a very pretty drive back to our shabby little apartment.

We had a great time on Sunday with Josh & Kit visiting-- they watched Leon: The Professional (a favorite of mine, thanks to Aaron) while I made dinner, then we played Catchphrase and nearly died laughing about it. About halfway through that, we took a dinner break and then went down to see Lights on the Lake.

Lights on the Lake is a couple mile long Christmas (or should I say, holiday, because they tossed a random Hanukkah group of lights in there) lighting display, along Onondaga lake. People out here get very excited about this, but seeing as we all live(d) out in western MA, home of Bright Nights in Forest Park, it's not actually even good. Bright Nights puts on an amazing show, and if you ask me, the one we saw here can't compete.

Upon our return, we played some more Catchphrase (what can I say, it was a hit!) and then decided it was probably time for bed. Kit took a shower and we got their air mattress blown up and fitted with sheets/blankets/pillows. Winnie came in and slept with us (she has been doing much better since the last post-- one accident, but she does much better with tons of attention).

Kevin's alarm went off sometime early in the morning, maybe 4:30? Kit came in around 7 to say goodbye, and I was still pretty comatose. I woke up around 9 to a very very sore throat. I checked my temperature, which was about 98.9, no biggie. Hours later, around 1:30 or 2pm, it was 101.2. It was late enough that I wouldn't bother calling into work. Cassy and I rode in together and the shift went fine.

Came home last night to find Kevin making me tea, and he had the Vitamin C tablets out for me :) We watched an episode and a half of Seinfeld before deciding it was bedtime, and we went to sleep. He's been working like crazy to make up for the job he lost (and by 'he lost,' I more mean, 'they took from him.' Seems more appropriate.)

I can't believe that on Christmas Eve, we'll have been married for 4 months. It feels like it's been longer than that. Maybe 'cause the move to New York seems like the beginning. Maybe 'cause we were always so serious about each other. I don't know what it is, but it makes me happy. Anyway, I have Christmas Eve off from work, so I'm looking forward to that.

I am not looking forward to work tonight, just 'cause my body feels like it's... I can't find an appropriate comparison. It just feels BAD. I secretly hope I have strep, because I want my tonsils out so badly (look up tonsiloliths and you'll see what the issue is), maybe one more positive strep test would get it taken care of... Anyway, we'll see.

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Bittersweet day...

2009-12-04T20:51:38Z

Last day of waking up at the wretched hour of 6am to make it in on time for a 7-3 workday. On the one hand-- ALLELUIA! On the other, I've grown to love my morning routine (okay, mostly just joking around with Tony) and the girls I work with. I'm really gonna miss Nicole (who I thought hated me, but quickly became buddy buddy with) and Karen who trained me, and Suzi who I swore I would teach how to drive (and I still will, mark my words!) and Toni and Kristen who's been listening to all my stories all week... and that's just from my unit! I've got the unit 2 crew to miss too...

But, 3-11 are my hours. I totally prefer working those hours, totally prefer the extra dollar in pay, and totally prefer the teamwork. There are some ups and some downs, but overall, I think this is for the better. I certainly hope so.

--

Melanie and I are going to meet up tomorrow afternoon and visit Jane Cleveland in the hospital. She's been there since Thanksgiving and we got word that she's not doing so hot... I really miss her. Everyone else seems to be enjoying the break, but despite her pain-in-the-butt routine, I think she's a lot of fun. I really do miss her. I'm bringing some "snappers" that she enjoyed playing with in her room all the time, and maybe a little something else... and we're getting her a real coffee, which she loves.

After that, it's time for dinner & the Thursday concert! Next morning, church, maybe brunch out, and then meeting up with Kit & her boyfriend. I'm interested to meet this guy. She's crazy about him. Anyway, that's my weekend! Over and out!

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Goodbye Winnie?

2009-11-28T01:48:20Z

I'm pretty sure Winnie can kiss us goodbye. She's been shitting all over the house, all the time. Kevin yelled at her and scared her this morning, so to apologize, he took her out and they just left to pick up something for me at the store. He left her alone for under five minutes, and his car is covered in shit. He's steaming mad. At this point, she has frustrated me so much that I don't even care if we get rid of her.

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<3

2009-11-24T03:08:46Z

I apologize for all my Twilight-related posts. I hate being That Girl, but I've fallen right back into my State of Perpetual Obsession.

So, I finally downloaded the song Edward plays Bella in the movie, which made my day because I love the music SO SO SO much. ["Bella's Lullaby" from the score by Carter Burwell]

I love how they showed Edward playing at the piano, and it reminded me (as it should) of the book, where Esme was thrilled to see Edward so happy and in love that it brought him back to the piano. She said she loved hearing him play, but it had been so long since he was happy enough to play something, and that scene just captures it very well.

The stinkin' song gives me butterflies. I am such a huge sap, it's unreal. :-D

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Tomorrow

2009-11-24T02:34:02Z

I know a few things about tomorrow:

1. My dear friend Rob will be joining me on the back hall at work! I am thrilled about this because even if the day somehow is shot to hell, he usually makes a point to try to improve my mood, whether it involves doing little things for me (like making a bed or two that I haven't had time to get) or hurling disgustingly kind words at me (flattery to the point I become nauseated), or just being a moron to get a chuckle from me. Also: It's a non-shower day, so things should be less hectic than normal for me (like today!). We'll see. In any case, we work very well as a team, and get both our assignments done pretty quickly so... three cheers for a good outlook.

[Nicole, my usual back hall partner, is very fast but she's a little rough, and sometimes I find it unsettling. Also, she's very pregnant, which not only creeps me out (sorry, I'm more afraid of pregnant women than even my crippling fear of spiders) but it makes her moody. And things are bad at home for her, so she's usually kind of withdrawn lately. Still, we ARE friends and DO chatter a lot. I like her lots, but I am looking forward to Rob's company for the day. Some change is good.]

2. Lights on the Lake opens tomorrow from 5-9pm for dogs to walk through with their humans. We are planning on bringing Winnie to this event, provided I can layer enough clothing to keep warm for the 2 miles of walking. Should be interesting. We went through the whole thing with everyone last year (in a car, mind you) and it was good and awkward. Everything while we were staying with Nana & Pop was awkward. Yeah, ask me about that sometime. Ugh.

3. We'll have been married 3 months as of tomorrow. Why does it feel like it's been so much longer? Maybe because we've both been so incredibly stressed out? Probably. It feels like it's been forever. Maybe because we were so serious about everything. Right off the bat, I knew he was just It. You know, The One Everyone Is Looking For? Yeah, I found him, and I knew it.

I remember one night, the first time we went anywhere alone, after work. It was over to a place by our houses, just to get some ice cream. We talked forever, and I've never been stuck in what can only be described as an eye-lock with anyone like that. For a good hour, we just talked, and stared. It wasn't awkward, like I feel it should have been, thinking back on it. That was the night that I knew I really really oh my gosh, like this guy, and what do I do next? (Yes, those were my thoughts.)

I think it was November, may have been early December, of 2007 when I told my mother, "He's the one, Mom." She didn't know what to say, I could tell, but her response ended up being, "You know, I sort of expected that. I think you're right." He rode his bike 40 miles to surprise me at my grandparents' house one night, with flowers, while I was visiting them on a weekend away from Keene. He rode his bike 7 miles to my house in the pouring rain before work to give me a CD he made me. He took me out to Otis on the jet ski to get my mind off my problems with my parents that summer. We talked out on the dock for hours, about anything and everything. He drove me to Keene for move-in day, and it was a horrible goodbye. He hiked Monadnock with me while we skipped class. He drove up from home nearly EVERY day (not even kidding-- he put 100,000 miles on his car in a matter of MONTHS) after class, would spend the night, and leave in the morning for work. His first night over, he slept totally in his clothes and was very very shy. He ran out on the quad with me at night and we set off tons of Diet Coke explosions with the help of Mentos. He used to hide notes around my room for me to find later, while he was back home, when I was missing him. He'd bring flowers some mornings when I'd meet him out front of Huntress.

Now I'm just rambling and reminiscing... It's been real. You know, my favorite part of loving Bella and Edward from Twilight is noticing the parallels between the movie/book and my own life. I saw a shirt that said "Edward Cullen has ruined it for the mortal men out there." In my Bear's case, I couldn't disagree more. I'm pretty darn lucky. We're pretty happy together, and who can complain about that?!

Grin!

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Good Things

2009-11-23T21:30:16Z

I got the nicest text message from Kevin while I was at work today...

"you are so pretty. i had a nice thought of you earlier... earrings in...curly hair let down...your beautiful brown gimmering eyes, your nice eye makeup, and the most content, happy, unforgettable smile anyone has ever seen. i love you. i know i'm busy. i've missed you so much."

So, it's nice to be thought of. And, along that line, I just got a call from Rob, who is one of my work buddies. He's the definition of a ladies man, which I think is hilarious, but he's sarcastic and irritating like me, and we get along oh-so-well. (I'm probably the only one who really likes him, everyone else just tolerates him. I think he's a riot.) Anyway, he is moving from part of Syracuse here into B-ville, and he just called and asked if I'd like to come over and meet the girlfriend he's moving in with and have a couple drinks with them.

I declined after last night's extravaganza, but it was so nice to be invited. And we chatted for a few minutes on the phone, and he said, "Well I know you've been kinda depressed the last few days and I just want you to know you're always welcome. Your real friends look out for ya."

Those were just a couple really nice things that touched me today. Thanks, guys. And NO thank you to the people at work who informed me that 3-11 and 11-7 are both overstaffed, so I am stuck working days indefinitely. FAIL. But, not to dwell on that, I am off to read and relax...

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the movie!

2009-11-23T01:05:49Z

okay, so i am abandoning my capitalization rules because i am drunk while posting. (just went out with a couple friends and had 3 times what i need to be 'good,' so... yeah. spelling correctly is difficult enough, forget big and small letters!)

NEW MOON WAS GREAT!

twilight was an obviously low budget movie. i feel like you were painfully aware of it the whole time you were watching. this movie steered clear of the blue-washed scenes and the color and lighting and makeup was much better. the vampires were pale without looking blue and fake.

there was a lot of shirtlessness, to say the least. this is understandable though, because in the book, it mentioned the werewolves running around in shorts, so, okay. there was a shirtless edward scene which was pretty needless, but i'd like to ask--- did anyone notice how his chest looked? (and not in a good way?! his nipples were two distinctly different sizes. i figured the fangirls would cry over that and i laughed. his ratings probably dropped instantly. well, maybe not.)

really though-- they did a fantastic job doing CGI werewolves and the edward visions that bella has while she's being reckless were great, too. the movie was the perfect length. some parts were soap opera-y and some parts were action-packed, but it was a good mix. i think this one did a much better job of capturing the essence of the book than the first one did, but that's to be expected when the budget is much better.

i also liked the volturi, despite the fact that DAKOTA FANNING was cast as jane! I HATE DAKOTA FANNING!!!! an ex-boyfriend of mine loved this girl and we used to fight about this constantly. what can you possibly see in her that is endearing?! uggggh. that aside, i think they did a great job casting those people. almost exactly like i imagined them to be.

i really liked alice in this movie, though she's one of my favorite characters and i'm biased.

if i had the time, i'd go see this again tonight. i'll probably go again sometime this week-- whatever my day off is, because i want another $7 matinee. i hate paying $10 for a movie, i think it's outrageous. still, this was really good, if you ask me. much better than twilight, and much better than i expected it to be. (i'm not a big jacob fan, but you couldn't help but feel for him in this movie. really.)

all in all, i'm glad i went. i think this was the first movie i ever went to alone. i'd do it again, too.

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Fail fail fail!

2009-11-22T22:03:16Z

Had a good chat with Shandra while at the mall. I hate being one of those idiots blabbering away on my cell phone in public, but hey, that's the first time I've done it, and you know what? It was nice to unload all that baggage. So...

I saw New Moon! I LOVED it! Still cheesy (to be expected) but much better than the first, and it felt like it went on forever (in a good way). That was the highlight of my weekend, so I wished it went on and on and on. I'm tempted to see it again later, just to smile. It's been a rotten couple days. [More on the movie later]

Kevin kept texting, saying he wanted to cuddle later, etc. I told him to please stop, because I was kinda down and those messages weren't helping. He got all upset and said something about staying out late, going to a party, and told me not to wait up. I explained again, I was just down and his messages weren't doing me any good. He went off about how it's the last nice weekend and how he wanted me in NYC with him but I didn't want to go...

I told him I backed out so he could see his FD stuff with people who enjoy that kind of thing. He claims he wanted me there, got all mad, and said he was done talking to me.

Really? What the hell? I told Cassy it's been a crap weekend and now she, Brett, & I are going out to Sammy's for dinner/drinks. It'll be nice to see them but wow, unbelievable. Grr.

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It only took 30 minutes...

2009-11-22T14:42:12Z

Fifteen minutes of battling my hair with a straightener and fifteen minutes of masking my tired eyes, and I look presentable.

I woke up and sneaked a peek at the hair color this morning before I took Winnie out... it was horrendous. It's still kind of shoddy-- I don't know how I screwed it up, but some parts look like they got more dye than others, which has never happened before. It looked way worse pre-straightening. The curls were everywhere and it was just HUGE. So now it's straight and shiny and acceptable. It's got some red when the light hits it, especially toward the root, but it's a medium/dark brown that matches my eyebrows perfectly. (I love when dyes match my eyebrows, which have always been much darker than my natural hair color.)

The choice of eye makeup was a good one... I looked so damn tired. Well, I always do. I get up so late (6:30 most mornings, when I have to be at work for 7:00) that I don't have time, and run into work sans makeup. I look a fright, but what do I care while I'm there? People were shocked when I came in on the 3-11 shift with my hair and makeup all done. That kinda made me laugh. Anyway, nothing special, really, just nice to have some time to look decent in the morning.

And now... I am off to the mall. I -am- going to see this movie, dammit! I'm a girl on a mission. Normally, I don't feel like I could go to a movie solo, it'd be too depressing, but... I need to see this, and it's been a terrible waste of my free time so far, so this movie will cheer me up. (Or make me wish I had my own Edward, but... whatever.)

After that, I will rack up some sales at Victoria's Secret, because I finally have a credit card and I am slowly trying to get some credit experience. (Isn't it nice that I can buy myself underwear and think, "But this will get us one step closer to getting approved for our mortgage!" Yeah, I think so, too.) Really though, I am amazed at how well their bras fit. I've always been an in-between kinda size, and now, their B fits like a glove! It's PERFECT. I am thrilled. And since joining, I get coupons to use like today's $15 off.

I hate writing about stuff like this. It's so boring. (Sorry to anyone who reads this)

---

Bear just called. He didn't even say much of anything, and I started to tear up. I should have just let it go to voicemail. I really didn't feel like talking. He asked if I had any special plans-- I think that's what got to me. I said I was going to my movie alone, and he said he hoped it was good and he'll go with me if I want to see it again, because he wants to see it. A nice gesture, but so not something I want to hear right now.

---

double-you-tee-eff is wrong with me? I just HAD my week of emo... I don't need another one.

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Well humph.

2009-11-22T13:36:52Z

I feel badly for even thinking twice about it, but Bear posted a quick update about what a great night he had, how beautiful it is, and what a great trip it's been, and all I did was get steamed about it.

Maybe it's because by comparison, the weekend off I have been SO looking forward to has been nothing but crap. Maybe it's because my friends were supposed to visit but didn't. Maybe it's because I was supposed to go to NYC with him this weekend, but he'd rather go do his own thing. Maybe it's because he's enjoying a place he knows and loves, somewhere I have ALWAYS wanted to go, but never have... Whatever the reason, my own stupid issues with reading that just brought my morning down much more.

Grumble grumble.

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the pros and cons of the day

2009-11-22T03:06:02Z

+ Found my way to BCF without any issues.
- Didn't buy anything, though.
+ Saw the cutest bag in the world at TJ Maxx.
- ...Until I saw the $129 price tag. Damn you, D&B!
- No one was able to go see New Moon with me today/tonight.
+/- Debating going alone tomorrow.
- No trip to the outlet mall with Cassy & Brett today.
+ Picked up a new shirt and necklace to wear to the Thursday concert.
++ Realized the Thursday concert is exactly two weeks from today!
- No going out with Cassy & Brett tonight, either.
+ Shells and cheese for dinner.
+ Watched Twilight in my new $7 penguin PJ pants. (I love TJ Maxx even if they sell overpriced bags)
- Winnie pooped under the table again. I thought we were done with this.
+ Dyed my hair tonight. Revlon #47, tried and true. Should be fine. (Waiting for it to dry)
-- Kev says they're leaving tomorrow afternoon. I thought he said he'd be home by then. I expect him between 8-11pm. Great.
+ Probably will wake up early enough tomorrow for church.

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